Your Sex Report

Yearly Sex Reports on the Rise

Imagine if you were given a yearly report on your sexual performance.

Kind of like the old school reports for subjects like maths, geography and home economics but based on how you did throughout the year in the sack… or on the table, in the shower or park or wherever you may be a participant.

Here goes a bunch of sex reports based on convos with friends and from personal experience.

  • Greg needs to concentrate during class.  (enough said)
  • Carl is very easily distracted and this causes him to miss out on learning opportunities that could improve his performance.
  • Max isn’t a team player.  He is focused on himself forgetting about the other participants.  This leaves them unsatisfied and disgruntled.
  • Mary is pleasant and but an overpleaser.  She needs to move into the twenty-first century and demand an equal pay or in her case a bonus for the extra time she puts in at the office.


  • Samuel needs to understand that bringing a phone to a session is disrespectful.  He needs to focus on where he is physically and mentally rather than tagging his location on Facebook as “in da house”
  • Jillian is a willing participant in all subjects but needs to decide on a major and fine tune her skills to make her competent in at least one area instead of being mediocre in all.
  • Terry should accept that high numbers do not mean high scores in performance. His low return rate is due to inadequate techniques.  We feel that with some tutoring in all round personality and approach, his return rate will rise and he will feel less of a reject.
  • Peter makes a great first impression with his professional attire and charismatic personality however, his personal hygiene leaves a lot to be undesired and this halts any progression of nakedness with anyone of either sex.
  • Mindy’s confidence in her ability isn’t matched with her actual ability.  She is clumsy and although she looks like a sex bomb, she has no idea what she is doing from a basic kiss that is sloppy, to biting organs inappropriately.  She should also stop asking for selfies with the other participants during class.
  • Donald has a fascination for foreign women who are or were models.   He needs to extend this soft side to other women and men around the world who may be in need of love and not put borders around himself.   He could benefit hugely by not being such a dickhead. (soz..)

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  • Earl is a loner and refuses to play with others.  He spends hours on himself rather than sharing himself due to lack of confidence.  He needs to realise that lots of losers pick up and that Tinder and other dating apps have opened the door for those who usually wouldn’t have a chance, to get themselves some.
  • Hugh likes to pick up random hookers and other casuals from dating sites or side streets despite having a stunning loyal partner at home.  He feels that doing this is more of a challenge and more of a thrill than his the guaranteed awesome, sex he has with his life partner. Hugh is an idiot and should break up first instead of putting everyone he f#$%s in danger of some slapped up sexual disease.
  • Fred is a lover of love.  He isn’t afraid to show emotion but should keep it limited until he connects fully.  Crying through the process because he is so happy or professing his love to someone he met two hours earlier isn’t attractive and this is why he fails to progress further in his relationships.
  • Harry an all round hottie.  He smells good, feels good, gives good feels and doesn’t quit until he knows all parties have been satisfied equally.  He is a keeper.people-2589817_1920

There you go.  Sex reports… I feel there could be another edition coming up.  How would your sex report look?  Would you get a gold star, a participation award or get sent to the corner for being naughty?

I’d love to hear your version of your sex report or for you to  give me a sex report of someone you love or hate.  Tell me here by commenting or send them to me and I’ll happily include a link if you wish back to your page if it makes the cut.

Mwah xo



3 Comments Add yours

  1. renlish says:

    Ren is very eager and demonstrates great skill but lacks confidence and still needs a strong hand and stern words to enable her to let go of inhibitions and trust issues. Responds extremely well to verbal feedback, requests/demands and positive reinforcement.

    M has a take-charge, hands-on approach and accepts nothing but complete cooperation however he performs with a sense of fairness and dedication to his partner’s satisfaction over his own.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thegomezgirl says:

      BriLLiant. Gold star for you… and M sounds like he’s doing well. 😂❤️❤️❤️🙏👏👏👏

      Liked by 1 person

      1. renlish says:

        Yeah. I might keep him around. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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